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SAPPHIRES

by La Guerre

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1.
Matthew 02:23
Matthew, son of a bitch who stripped you down on his couch his wandering mouth, so quiet now and all that booze won't take the blame for you and how all the way home you kept the words tied to your tongue and never loosened them, not once And on the day the tornado came he went to chase it by the lake. But you, your niece and nephew stayed and almost died from a baby gate that blocked your way. And as the clouds began to break the insulation fell like rain but looked like snow, your hair a mane tears on your face, the children safe. You almost hoped he died that day but back he came.
2.
Favored 04:07
I'm hungry, but know yet another hour to feed the tone. Til dawn we make tapping tongue to tongue a remorse code puzzle game. When I give out with a desert canyon mouth it will be in your favor for fear of the danger of causing you the drought. Fuck the morning, fuck my memories, they awaken distraught thoughts in me. No stress relief exists til i'm relieved of this, of all of it. To live in you favor, a chain on an anchor it weakens never, drowns forever, knows no better. Bot sorrow echoes low. It carries very slow, but it arrives to sea salt eyes. Forget the fear festering here, it'll catch you dry.
3.
Deadbolt 02:42
Mostly, I'm just killing time while looking in the mirror, when discovering that proof of time is gradually appearing on my face. There's shadows forming like rain puddles in a storm, yet I had no idea that they were forming. And when I'm staring at myself, i'm just pretending that it's you, and that you know that I exist, can't comprehend the hell that's waiting here for you. I always used to think that I was kind of sweet, now that I know that i'm a bitch, i'll just give into being lonely. 'Cause my key's stuck in the deadbolt, and my ring's still in that motel 8 in Omaha and I hope that maid's enjoying it, my finger's finally used to it this weightlessness that makes my hand raise way too fast when I gesture goodbye.
4.
Any Other 03:24
Where you are, it wears off when there are things to do without you but it isn't often, is it awful when my thoughts are coming through? My small talk is fucking blue when I am too. And it's your fault, when it's not my fault. When the blame lies with the weakest, this is hopeless, i'll never notice when I drop my guard, I'm a goner, i've got to be stronger but I've got to get along. But i'm still down to hang around through and through no such company as you in this world. I know I ask a lot but i'm really truly not wanting more than any other girl. So I saw you at seventeen. You saw me four years later with a chip on my shoulder, a broken arm, an engagement gone all wrong, so much heavier and older is that really what you want? am i really what you want? 'cause you'll still be what I want when you're over me and gone no, i'm never moving on only hope is i'll be stronger than I thought.
5.
We speak in code in a language neither one of us knows every hello, hello, hello and now I carry the tension of arrow and bow all of the travel I have known days tend to waste til you know they are gone what little remains is the thing that has grown when every thought that I think's not my own and every film I devour has a commentator from the past conversations that surfaced that surfaced so fast yet the curious part, the real cause for alarm isn't that I can't hear it again, but that it never left if i'd any use in these arms, i'd extend them to you but they've atrophied, are tied to me and i've arranged this house the way I dreamed about over 7 years spent shifting chairs around just to sit myself back down it's an excellent environment to hide from a crowd so please don't point me out the attention, it's far too loud and every look i acquire comes with impotent words from the past conversations that hurt, it hurts, it hurts
6.
She Kept You 02:33
Once you're through with me and mine you can return to Houston where she used to write you songs, she did you wrong and though she left you you still belong to her, she kept you now i can't make you be inspired take your love for me much higher 'cause there wasn't that much room there to start you were always my muse and I was always your good news your charity but not your heart let's make a pact, a secret act so we can meet after we're dead but if it really comes to that i've got a feeling i'll be left where I settled from the time that i was old enough to grasp that i dont get what i want and if i do it never lasts cause when she wrote to you she said i'm ready for you to come back and though you know that if you left my eyes would drain, my chest would crack im not sure you could endure it i'm not so I could secure this
7.
tried to move me along, but i wasnt done yet the mystery of my bed has yet to be solved or how i could find it, the who i hadnt met the bar's full of drunken paths of their own but if i never know you will find my head my home past assembly failed in the patching of my heart in fairness the fragments were fickler than i thought and the social exposure, you said it'd be better to put yourself out there and risk being caught if not i'll never know what could have been my home i know i'll never know where will be my home tried to move me along but i wasnt done yet the mystery of my bed has yet to be solved in fairness my troubles are all my own
8.
Two Sisters 02:31
Saasha Rose, you left your home to ensure a surrogate. Two sisters; we began our search in the last place you had been. And in the month and a half it took to get you back to the broken home you left, we papered the lamp posts and darkened the windows of each corner you kept. And wept for the lack of empathy and every past regret. The young babe and the early grave, and that eager pound of flesh. When old enough you left your post, a troubled trail towards the West Coast and bore a child, a heart as wild as the one who fled before. Now estranged, two sisters caged in the MidWest, unforgave. The last hurrah, the final straw was the insist of the chase. And in the month and a half it took to get you back, I could never have envisioned the void, the space, the empty place it would fill or the weight it would lift up. Since August of the last time our two shadows cast, I have hoped you lose-- you lose your way so we can bring you back.
9.
Everything 03:21
Pretty scared since the last time I was unsure of what you were thinking of, the changing gauging of your love. I know I said it doesn't count; the mileage of land between us. But what If i'm just not enough? The frequent sound through telephone; you cannot know how my heart pounds. The more I talk, the more I call the less I feel that you respond. It's not your fault, done nothing wrong but I want you here, not Wichita. And I can't stop, I try to stop hurting so bad, knowing you're not. But I will wait, I want to know you're mine, you'll stay when you come back, if you come back. I think that you may not com back. Tell me one reason of that you're unsure of our love and I will try not to expect what was promised. What's become of us? And I'm dramatic, young, you know this from the thousand songs I've written of you. Take this as my love, it holds you close no matter what. There's nothing greater I can think of then the pleasure that your company brings. The many things that you bring. You bring to me everything. Pretty scared since the last time i was unsure of what you were thinking of, it's not your job to reassure, but reassure me if you want.
10.
Storm fronts bloom like flowers, decay slowly as they die. Clouds are building up like towers reaching far into the sky. I am small and coward and I burrow as to hide. If they can't see me, they can't find me they can try but i'm too tricky. Boom like cannon fire, timpanis, tires; they're screeching but won't stop in time. Fading from white to cobalt and sapphires, close my eyes. Void of color and I shudder like every camera shutter. Cut them shorter, here's no order, rhyme, or reason. It's disorganized, or is it? No real limit to the damage it brings with it, or the offspring it delivers. Ages quickly, rushing rivers. And I can write, ponder, conspire how to try and stoke their fire but oh why would I desire such a thing? When you're desperate just to live another day. As I carefully consider my meaning. Never been close to the best at explaining.
11.
Rabbits 02:53
And if one day I get pregnant; a miraculous conception, would you wish well for my baby if it wasn't you I came with? What i've been through, I deserve it, though I surely didn't earn it. Years of treachery and perversion, this idyllic conclusion. But for now I will fake it, getting by because I'm living. Death's the clock in which I'm ticking. Fuck it all, tomorrow's pending. And I waiting on a list filled to the brim with old and rich. Got broken limbs for them to fix. But those sly foxes just won't have it til they've eaten all the rabbits. And it's hopeless and pretty fucking tragic, yeah it's hopeless and hopeless and tragic.

about

For Jason Grant, who taught me everything I didn't know I should learn. My biggest regret is not taking the time to show you the results, and I would give anything to share a whiskey with you tonight.

credits

released January 20, 2015

All songs written by Katlyn Conroy
Album art by May Xiong
Producer/Engineer/Bass: Joshua Browning
Percussion: Beau Bruns, Chris Brower
Guitar/Additional Vox: Charles Calhoun, Gavin Snider
Trombone: Joshua Landau
Additional Vox: Will Weinstein

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La Guerre Lawrence, Kansas

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